If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
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