If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
