Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
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