Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
