I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
