I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Randomize