THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
it's not cheating when I paid for it
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
