It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Randomize
