I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Randomize
