well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Randomize
