I heard we made out
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
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