this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
