If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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