i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Randomize
