just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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