I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize