I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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