Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
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