i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
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