My liver just broke up with me...
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
