she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Randomize
