even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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