so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
