Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
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