the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
