my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
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