life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
