Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
