Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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