Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
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