I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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