In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Randomize
