I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
