So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I want to fling myself into the sun
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
