White coat. Heels.
Me. At least after what I've been through.
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
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