I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
