I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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