eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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