Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Randomize
