mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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