"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
