but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
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