there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
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