I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize