Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Randomize