Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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