my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize