This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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