My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
