Redeem this text for a blowjob
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
