He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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