Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
he had hair everywhere except his balls
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
