wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
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