She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
This is classic penis vs brain.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
