Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Randomize
