wrigley field is MILF paradise
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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