Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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