I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Randomize
