She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
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