I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
