the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
i black out too much to be "responsible"
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
