she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize
