those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Randomize
