I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
