I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
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