I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Randomize
