I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Randomize
