i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
Barsexuality is the new black.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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