I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
