this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
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